little green monster

i’m not sure if all people go through this phase ( or is it really a phase in the first place ) when they just seem to want almost everything their friends and not  so friends want. lately ( as in the past 3, 4 or so months i think ) i have been suffering the symptoms of slowly becoming this little ugly (?) envious green ( not slimy) creature. it’s alarming me because i never was in the habit of taking interest in what others have or want to have or do . i am in fact notorious at dropping anything i see others get juicy about. i remember having halted this hobby of picking a stone ( smooth, rough, flat, white, what have you ) from any place i visit when a person close to me started doing the same. i don’t know if i’ll ever do it again.i don’t even know where my 2 bucket stone collection is right now. i’ll save the other instances of notoreity in the next entry. going back to the real issue, i’ll let you in on some real ugly things my nerves have made me think and do which basically are the proximate cause of this paranoia.

some few weeks ago i was walking downtown with a good friend of mine ( let’s call her F1 ) when we saw a former student. she’s this pretty girl i used to have in class who’s so into poetry reading and stuff. she’s cool and all but that’s not the reason why i’m green with envy. it’s this waist long curly hair she sports now. i have been meaning to get me hair permed but when i saw her i was giddy and whiny about getting that kind of hair. i never had a compulsion over that kind of hair as strong as i did that day.

another friend ( F2 ) and i are, uh well, spying on this girl ( kinda like the current of a psuedo ex ) for quite awhile now. we have a lot of  nasty ( not vulgar or overly demeaning, my parents managed to teach me some manners )things to say about her which i’d like to keep to myself but i must admit i’m drooling over those nice shoulders she’s got and the flattest tummy ever ( well maybe not drooling, i can’t do that, i have some pride, hah! ). it’s like cells conspired to make me wanna try yoga ( uhuh, like bending till my middle fingers touch my toes, something i never was successful in doing after countles attempts ). i can see eyebrows raising already but hey, i ain’t got those kind of shoulders. i’m not sure if exercise can help me, and i certainly can’t count on surgery. i’m a poor man’s daughter. and for everyone’s information i also got some love handles to lose.

several days before the Christmas break, i paid another friend ( F3 ) a visit to her office. she’s one of the nicest people anyone can be around with. she always has the right thing to say. i so admire her for that. what’s making me sigh and my shoulders droop wishing i could be like her however is her style. she likes wearing cargo pants and sneakers with a super girlie blouse ( sometimes she wears this blouse with floral prints ) and can really pull it off nicely. you don’t get to see a lot of people who could get away with a really mismatched outfit do you?

a couple of months ago, i went out of town. i was with a lot of people and we were housed in a hotel by the sea. some pretty sight they have there. probably the reason why a lot of girls ( and boys and not so boys ) were wearing flip flops and short shorts ( with hibiscus prints ) all the time. they looked damned good in those meager outfits. you guessed it right i also bought me another short shorts even if i already have 2 of those. i don’t mind if you feel like shooting me in the head already.

speaking of shooting, let’s go back to my other friend (F2). she told me several days back that she’s gonna go target shooting with her dad. something she’s been meaning to do and actually plans on doing it a regular thing. so as a supportive friend i had this dialog " go girl! that’s really great ha". those were really honest words i told her but my brain didn’t stop there though it continued saying inside my hard skull " hmmm, i like to do that too. it’s so cool". it’s a good thing i ain’t got gun and i can’t afford bullets to waste.

there are still so so many instances of such nature but i think that you now get the idea of this phase…er syndrome or whatever it’s called i’m suffering or going through right now. again i don’t mind if you will give me names of doctors or pyschologists i can pay some visit later.

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